The Dog Food Diet

I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow, and was in the check out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

I told her "No", I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I landed in intensive care.

I told her it's a great diet and the way it works is to fill your pockets with Purina Nuggets and eat one or two when you feel hungry. The food is nutritional, so it works well and I was going to try it again.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because of food poisoning. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

Beaten by Arabs

Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?" asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.
"You're in America," said the teacher, "You'll be known as Kevin."

Mohammad returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammad?" his mother asked.
"My name's not Mohammad. I'm in America, and my name's Kevin."
"Are you ashamed of your name? You're dishonoring your heritage, and religion!"

Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day he went to school and the teacher saw his bruises.
"What happened to you, Kevin?" she asked.
"Well, after I became an American, I was attacked by fuckin' Arabs.

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